40 Days Unleashed: A Journey Back to My Body

Sometimes, the journey we think we're beginning isn't the journey we're meant to take.

Lately, I've been thinking a great deal about motivation. What inspires us to make changes? What keeps us going when life becomes difficult? And perhaps most importantly, what happens when we discover that the changes we truly need aren't the ones we originally set out to make?

These questions have taken on a deeper meaning for me as I've begun a new personal journey called 40 Days Unleashed, facilitated by Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici.

For those who have followed my creative journey over the years, Amber may be a familiar name. I first discovered Cosmic Smash Booking through her Woman Unleashed Retreat in 2016, an experience that eventually led me to becoming a Certified Cosmic Smash Book Guide and a certified Color of Woman Intentional Creativity Teacher.

Now, years later, another of Amber's offerings is inviting me to explore something different.

And, as it turns out, something I desperately need.

When the Journey Takes an Unexpected Turn

When I first began thinking about my 40 Days Unleashed journey, I naturally gravitated toward creativity and business.

Perhaps I would commit to 40 days of creativity, content creation, or making videos. After all, writing, creating, and sharing inspiration with others are such important parts of my life and the work I do through Bella Rose Healing Hands.

But as I began answering questions about my fears and what is holding me back, they weren't making sense. None of them had anything to do with creativity, business goals, or writing. The things that were keeping me stuck are my fears connected to my body including the long-term effects of the car accident injuries, chronic pain, and fear of movement and western medicine.

At first, I wasn't sure what to make of it.

I continued brainstorming possibilities. I could write one unedited page of my new book every day. I could practice listening more closely to my intuition. I could challenge myself to say no when something didn't feel right, rather than automatically saying yes.

One idea received a star beside it: Ask for help every day.

That one was especially significant.

Asking for help has never been easy for me. Experiences throughout my childhood and adult life have taught me that help isn't always available, even when it's desperately needed. I've learned time and time again that very few people are willing to help, and living with disabilities, particularly those that aren't always visible to others, has made this even more complicated.

Still, I kept exploring.

I considered daily Bible journaling, reading, self-care, creative projects, and doing something outside my comfort zone.

Eventually, I had created three different categories: physical, mental, and business.

Which, of course, rather defeated the purpose of choosing one thing to focus on for 40 days!

I finally settled on 40 days of self-care, but even then, something didn't feel quite right.

On the first day, I still wasn't entirely sure what my commitment would look like.

It wasn't until the second day, while choosing my support team for the 40 Days Unleased journey, that the answer finally became clear.

40 days of movement!

Not 40 days of pushing myself beyond my physical limits. Not 40 days of forcing my body to do something it isn't ready for.

But 40 days of intentional, gentle movement, with the hope of reconnecting with my body and beginning to feel more at home within it again.

Discovering My Why

Once I had found my focus, I began writing about my motivation.

Why was this so important to me?

The words poured out.

I've spent far too long feeling stuck, suffering, and living within the limitations imposed by my injuries.

I want to get better.

I want to trust my body again.

I want to trust myself again.

I want to experience a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in years, particularly the freedom to leave my home without fear.

My health and well-being are important to me, but this journey is about so much more than physical health.

Living with chronic pain, fear, and a nervous system that seems constantly on high alert has affected nearly every aspect of my life.

It has affected my relationships, my independence, my ability to participate in my community, and the simple everyday experiences that many people take for granted.

And I don't want to spend the rest of my life merely surviving.

I want to live. Fully.

I want to socialize again. I want to go out into my community. I want to make money doing work I love. I want to be able to help my mother.

I want to experience more peace and calm within my body.

I want to be present in my relationships rather than constantly having to navigate pain, exhaustion, fear, and physical limitations.

And perhaps one of the most powerful things I wrote was this:

I want to feel like myself again.

What Motivation Really Means to Me

Motivation isn't always about achieving a goal, building a business, completing a project, or checking something off a list.Sometimes, motivation comes from remembering what you've lost and recognizing what you still long to experience.

Sometimes, it comes from being tired of the way things are.

And sometimes, it comes from the quiet realization that even when we cannot control everything happening in our lives, we can still choose how we respond to the possibilities before us.

I know that 40 days of movement won't magically erase years of injuries or chronic pain.

Healing is rarely that simple.

But perhaps these 40 days can become a beginning. An opportunity to explore movement, listen to my body, and create small moments of connection, safety, and possibility.

I'm not measuring success by how much I accomplish or how far I can push myself.

I'm learning that showing up for myself, even in the smallest ways, matters.

Some days, movement may look different from others. Some days, rest may be exactly what my body needs.

And that's okay.

This isn't about perfection.

It's about reclaiming a relationship with myself and my body, one day at a time.

When Life Changes the Plan Again

And just when I thought I had finally figured out what my 40 Days Unleashed journey would look like, life threw another obstacle in my path.

I was making breakfast when I turned to get something out of the refrigerator. It was such a simple, ordinary movement, something most people wouldn't think twice about.

But as I turned my knee, I experienced excruciating pain.

I could barely put weight on my foot.

Later that same day, while participating in a Zoom call from my bed, I turned my leg and knee again. Once more, that sharp, intense pain shot through my knee.

Somehow, these seemingly innocent movements had aggravated an old injury from a fall earlier this summer, leaving me dealing with a torn meniscus.

After everything I've already endured physically, another injury was the last thing I needed.

I couldn't believe the timing. Was my body self-sabotaging me? Here I was, finally making a commitment to movement, motivated by my desire to reconnect with my body, regain some independence, and begin reclaiming the life I've missed for so long.

And then I go injure my knee.

My original commitment to 40 days of movement suddenly needed to change.

So I revised it to 40 days of somatic movement.

Once again, I found myself adapting to circumstances beyond my control.

But perhaps this experience is teaching me something about motivation that I hadn't considered before.

Motivation isn't necessarily about following a plan exactly as we envisioned it. Sometimes it's about being willing to change direction without abandoning what matters most to us.

For me, that means exploring mindful somatic practices that are appropriate for my injuries, listening to my body, and respecting its limitations.

It also means acknowledging the frustration, disappointment, and fear that can accompany yet another physical setback.

Because living with chronic injuries isn't simply a matter of thinking positively or trying harder. There are real physical limitations, unpredictable setbacks, and days when even the simplest activities can become painful.

And sometimes, adapting isn't a choice. It's a necessity.

But adapting doesn't have to mean giving up.

My motivation hasn't changed. Only the way I'm approaching it has.

I still want to feel safe in my body. I still want to regain as much independence as possible. I still want to experience more of life beyond the walls of my home.

And perhaps most importantly, I still want to believe that new possibilities exist for me, even when the path toward them looks different from what I originally imagined.

Incorporating Somatic Movement Into My 40-Day Journey

Somatic therapy has been part of my healing journey for approximately two years through my work with a therapist who specializes in chronic pain and somatic therapy. Given my experiences with chronic pain, physical trauma, and a nervous system that often seems stuck in a state of high alert, we've been exploring ways to help me reconnect with my body and develop a greater sense of safety and well-being.

When my knee injury prompted me to revise my commitment from 40 days of movement to 40 days of somatic movement, it felt like a natural extension of the work I've already been doing in therapy.

Interestingly, it also encouraged me to revisit two resources I had purchased but hadn't yet incorporated into my daily routine: the Vagus Nerve Deck by Melissa Romano and Somatic Exercise Cards for Women by COARVXA

Isn't it funny how we sometimes purchase something with every intention of using it, only to set it aside until life gives us a reason to rediscover it?

Affiliate Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a qualifying purchase through these links, at no additional cost to you. I personally purchased the resources mentioned in this post. All opinions and experiences shared are my own.

Returning to My Writing and My Own Creative Space

This experience has also reminded me how much I miss writing regularly and sharing my thoughts, experiences, and creative work.

Over the coming weeks and months, I hope to spend more time blogging here on my website and sharing more of my writing directly with you.

Part of this decision comes from my growing concerns about how social media platforms, particularly Meta, use publicly shared content in connection with artificial intelligence.

As a writer, artist, and creative entrepreneur, I find the collection and potential use of people's photographs, artwork, and written content for AI development without informed permission deeply troubling.

To me, this raises serious questions about privacy, creative ownership, and copyright protections. I believe our federal laws need to evolve to better protect individuals and creators as artificial intelligence continues to advance.

Although publishing on my own website doesn't eliminate the possibility of content being collected by AI systems, I want to be more intentional about where and how I share my work.

And perhaps there's another reason, too.

I miss blogging. I miss having a space where I can slow down, gather my thoughts, and share my experiences, reflections, and creative work in a more meaningful and intentional way.

Of course, one of the things I appreciate about Facebook is the opportunity for interaction. The conversations, comments, and connections with others are something I genuinely enjoy, and blogging doesn't always offer that same level of engagement.

But I also believe there's value in having a space of my own, where my writing can live beyond the fleeting nature of a social media newsfeed.

So, while I won't be disappearing from Facebook entirely, I plan to spend more time writing and sharing here on my website and less time posting my original content on social media.

And I hope you'll continue to visit, read along, and share your thoughts with me as this next chapter unfolds.

What Is Your Motivation? Want to Join Me?

As I continue my 40 Days Unleashed journey, I'm reminded that sometimes the most important discoveries happen when we stop trying to figure everything out and begin listening to what is emerging from within us.

I thought I was going to spend 40 days creating something.

Instead, I've discovered that what I most want to nurture is myself.

And perhaps that is its own form of creativity.

After all, isn't there something profoundly creative about imagining a different future for ourselves, even when we aren't yet sure how to get there?

Now, I'd love to invite you to explore what that might look like in your own life.

Whether there's something you've been longing to begin, a habit you'd like to develop, a creative passion you've been putting off, or something you'd like to reclaim, Amber's 40 Days Unleashed offers an opportunity to make a commitment to yourself.

Your journey doesn't have to look anything like mine. What matters is discovering what is meaningful to you.

Want to join me? Explore 40 Days Unleashed here!

And whether or not you decide to participate, I'd love to hear from you.

What is something you've been longing to change, reclaim, or invite back into your life?

And what is one small, compassionate step you could take toward it today?

Perhaps motivation isn't always about finding the strength to do more.

Perhaps sometimes, it's about remembering why we want to live more fully in the first place.

Medical Disclaimer

The information shared in this blog is based on my personal experiences and is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment recommendations. Somatic exercises, breathwork, and other mind-body practices may not be appropriate for everyone, particularly individuals with injuries, chronic pain, disabilities, or other medical conditions. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional before beginning or modifying an exercise or wellness program. My experiences are unique to me, and individual results may vary.